Final hour

Here I am, sitting alone in the airport looking out over the East China Sea. Breathing is just about all I can focus on right now, because as soon as my mind starts to wander I think of all the things I am leaving behind here. I know it will take all my self control to walk onto that plane.

10 weeks. Some days it seems to be a lifetime, other days it seems to be no longer than a deep breath in and out. Right now, all I can think of is that I am so incredibly fortunate. This pain in my heart from leaving is something I'll have to learn how to deal with, but quite frankly it's inspiring to know I was affected so much by my time here. I wouldn't trade this heartache for anything.

My favorite part of every day at the center was small groups. My small group was the bomb.com, not even exaggerating. It broke my heart to try and explain to those kids why I was leaving them, because when you're seven it just doesn't make sense why people you love leave. Hell, at 22 it still doesn't fully make sense. But regardless, I am leaving. And to help them cope I of course relied on the words others have said, because they say it so much better than I do.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

I think there is something so epic about this quote. Yes, I am leaving. Yes, it hurts. Yes, there are people I don't know how I will survive without. But honestly? I'm so lucky that I found that. We all are. I found a place where I felt accepted and loved. I found a place where I could let people in, as opposed to keeping others the usual arms length away. I will forever remember the place and the people who helped me be a little more open, a little more carefree, a little more like the person I want to be. But I also know that I'll never be without them, not really. I can't describe the kind of relationships you make through this program, because it's impossible to fully describe it to those who haven't experienced it. Basically there are people who I've met that are going to be main players in my life for a long time.  Cari gave me a letter as we said our goodbyes and it reduced me to tears (yes, I actually cried) because it so accurately describes the way I feel at this moment. This girl knows me well.

"An adventurous life does not necessarily mean climbing mountains, swimming with sharks, or jumping off cliffs. It means risking yourself by leaving a little piece of you behind in all those you love along the way."

I am being stretched across the world. I am traveling to Iowa, Florida, and staying here in Okinawa all while I head home to Washington to my family. I am with each one of my kids wherever life takes them, each one of my beautiful camp adventure girls as they change the lives of everyone they meet, all our boys while they defend our country, and the stellar MCT Center staff that put their hearts and souls into those kids every day. I have left pieces of me with all of these people love, and I'm now scattered across the globe. But at the same time I've never felt more whole.

As I sit here, staring off into the East China Sea, I am reminded of a final quote that was given to me as a graduation gift from Liz.

"Travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer."

I am leaving here the richest person in the world.

Until next time.
OKI2014

The people who make my world go round

With the end of this surreal summer fast approaching, I keep wondering what is is about these people that causes my heart to hurt every time in think about leaving them. It's hard to describe these friendships in words, simply because there aren't words. We just simply 'are' and it's sublime.      

The bitchachos

These people make my world go round, and it seemed only fitting to introduce them to the World Wide Web. :) 

Samuel:

She turns every moment into a beautifully awkward situation, which is my FAVORITE. The first time I met her, she almost started crying because she kept stepping on snails walking to dinner and saying "I'm a snail killer, I'm a murderer!!!" and then sprinted down the street chanting "they're rocks they're rocks...." whenever she felt that crunch. And then at dinner we bonded over our weird love of cats. Friends for life, obviously. She also comes and makes me coffee in bed on weekends, we make inappropriate comments about our massive boobs all the time, and I can always count on her to to laugh at my awkward and insensitive jokes. She also is a phenomenal artist even though she'll never admit it.

Meeeeeegan:

 whatever plan we make and whenever we make it, she's in. 100%. Once again, she catches all my dry sarcasm and can toss it right back. She is the most unhealthy nutritionist I've ever met in my life, which is okay cause we are quitting school and opening up a beach bar anyway. I knew she would be one of my favorite people ever when we were on this massive bluff staring out into the abyss that is the East China Sea, and she jumped off the ledge without really knowing what was below. I remember thinking that I wanted to live my life more like that; no fear. Her favorite phrase is "life is weird" which has become the motto of our summer. She has the most free personality I've ever met, she does what she wants when she wants to and makes no apologies for it. I think it's beautiful.

Court court:

she is by far our mother bear, the glue that holds us together. she is the one always making plans, taking care of us, and dealing with the stress of our epically dysfunctional crew. But she is probably the most genuinely kind person I've ever met. She is so completely unselfish, she is always focused on how everyone else is before herself. She also has the best belly laugh out of anyone I know, it is our goal every moment of every day to get Courtney to do her "real laugh." She found a pretty stellar guy this summer, and I don't know anyone more deserving of it. She is also the best scuba buddy evaa, thanks for not letting me die 60 ft deep in the ocean!

Car Bear:

We have strangely parallel lives, and she's like the little sister I never had. I've never gotten so close with someone so quickly, and our conversations go from silly and ridiculous to supah deep in a split second, and it's not strange at all. She is one of the most beautiful people, inside and out, that I know. She has this goodness about her that is so refreshing, she is truly kind to everyone and makes an effort with everyone she meets. She laughs at all my snide comments which aren't very funny but she makes me feel less lame by laughing at them anyway, she's a keeper. We knew we would be fast friends when we were in all in the van one of our first days and one of the women we work with states that their have been missiles pointed at Okinawa multiple times. Of course I make a smartass comment resembling "so is this like a casual occurrence? can you like ratio me how often this happens?" I was not given a response. as I get out of the van I said "so about that bomb she just dropped on us...." and cari responds "but literally...." I decided then and there that she was pretty rad.

Ms. Butta:

This sassy young this is a main player in the bitchacho crew as well as the MCT crew, which you'll read about below. But this lady has been my rock and my sanity every single day for these past 10 weeks. She and I have so many inside jokes I can't even begin to describe them, and we are at that level where we can literally have full on conversations just by looking at each other. She's never really had a close white friend and I've never really had a close african american friend, so we say things like "oooh can I touch your hair?" and "omg can I poke your sunburn to see it change color?" it's a very educational friendship. She and I have very similar responses to situations, which means I can always count on her to understand what's going through my mind at any given point. She is hands down the strongest person I've ever met. She knows exactly who she is. She has maturity that I rarely see in anyone,  let alone a 20 year old. P.S, don't ever try to steal her food. Trust me on this.

MCT crew: teamwork makes the dream work

We've had to jump through a lot of hoops this summer, but I couldn't have asked for a better women to go through it all with. Each woman has such passion for what we do, the kids we work with, and making this summer unforgettable. These girls are the best counselors, and people, you'll ever find. Camp A, you found some real gems when you hired these ladies.

(Ms. Butta's bio is above if you missed it)

Lady and Dragon:

I am writing about these two together because that's how they are, two peas in a pod. Working with them has been so amazing and I've seen both of them grow so much. They are always making me smile and laugh, and that turns my day around every time. The way they patience and enthusiasm they have for the kids is inspiring. I've seen morgan grow more than anyone else here in the past 10 weeks, and I'm so proud of her. She's been through so many life changes, and I've seen her take them all in stride and let them turn her into a better person. She is stronger, more confident, and more free than when she came. Hanna has a way of making everyone around her smile, all while having the confidence to handle anything life throws at her. She has an extremely no nonsense personality, all while knowing how to enjoy life. Those two are destined for great things.

So basically....

It's amazing to me that I've found such an amazing group of people halfway around the world. I've never really given fate much thought, but I genuinely believe we were all brought here for a reason. I'm leaving here better than I was when I got here. I am kinder, I am stronger, I am more open, and I am freer. I laugh more, I am more confident, and I am more accepting. Basically, I'm more comfortable in my own skin. By these people loving my awkward, sarcastic, yet enthusiastic self, I learned to accept myself a little more too. There are so many things I admire in each person and I try to emulate in my own life. Each person has such a beautiful soul, and they have no idea just how great they are. Even though we are epically dysfunctional basically all the time, it's the collision of awesomeness is something that I can't ever forget.

Top five weekend photos